with your own penis?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
