they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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