weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
false alarm, still single
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
