We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
