Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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