so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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