Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
