You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
40s are totally the cure
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
