I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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