So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
