I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
