Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Randomize
