I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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