I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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