i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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