yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
