I skipped work to stalk him.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize