Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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