Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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