Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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