i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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