Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
