I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
