I am puke
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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