get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
