mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
