Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
