god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
