I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
