11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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