Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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