Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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