...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
