So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
