This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
