conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
