what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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