hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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