So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
