I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Are we still banned from the library?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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