There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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