i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize