Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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