i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
