Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
