Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
