p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
