Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
