it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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