all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
