this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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