everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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