I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
