i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
