I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
