no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
