you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
