dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
