Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
