Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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