nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize