Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
