they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
