Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
