Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
