dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
