Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
BRING THE BAGELS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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