I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
