I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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