the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
