hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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